I’m not going to pretend it wasn’t a strain! I had given up a busy and fairly high-powered job, had no friends with young children and found it difficult to make any as Josh needed so much attention. He was happy if we were out walking in the park with the pushchair, but the moment I took the pushchair to the shops he realised I wasn’t paying him attention and would start creating again!

A few things helped. We had a dog, and they became great friends when Josh was old enough to be entertained by her. My mother would spell me for a couple of hours here and there, so that I could go shopping without stress. My mother also noticed that Josh was happiest when there were other children about. Even when he was still very young – just coming up for 1 – he would sit and watch older children at the playground and be much more content. I found a little day nursery that was willing to take him for 2 hours twice a week, and often I used that 2 hours to go home and nap, which made all the difference!

We also realised very early on that Josh was a very bright baby. I’m sure that the constant curiosity was a sign of that. He talked very early, counted at an extraordinarily young age, and was reading, fluidly, from 6 year old readers, before he was 4.

I think the best advice I can give you is to give into it, and not try to change things. My brother and his wife used to give us quite a hard time about his “neediness” and often my so-called friends would complain that I was giving him too much attention. Their children didn’t need it. They would play on their own, and he wouldn’t. I was made to feel like I was doing something wrong, and that I could change him. The same with the early morning waking. After a while I just started going to bed earlier, and appreciating the early mornings for the great start they gave to our days! I became expert at stacking away “surprises” that I could bring out when I really really needed 5 minutes on my own. These could be a collection of printables from a website, some little toys long forgotten, a toy musical instrument, a plastic crate full of soapy water and pouring utensils, a simple craft he could do on his own, or a bowl filled with dried pulses to stir and mix.

My daughter was born when Josh was nearly 3 and things changed immediately. He loved her devotedly from the day she came home from the hospital, and despite the fact that she couldn’t play with him, he was endlessly entertained by her.

And one more thought .. Josh is a 6 foot 3 teenager now, sporty, clever, kind and funny, and we have a wonderful, close relationship. He knows that he had my undivided attention when he needed it, and I don’t regret it for one moment.

I agree with all the comments from the more experienced mothers. I am still so new to this Mommy job. Yet I can’t help thinking back to the Montessori tenants that encourage and expect kids to spend a lot of time on one thing. Perhaps now is a great time to go back and re-read some of the Montessori basics and or go check out Barbara Curtis’ site archives. I am quite sure you have read Montessori before in your undergraduate work for your education degree. I find I went through all that information that I frequently have to go back and re-read it for my kids at present.

At any rate, I hope this season passes on to another where Caroline can explore things on her own without a lot of set up from Mommy!

I also think some others posted great ideas and encouragement, and I second it.

I also am not sure how old Caroline is, but I’m thinking lots of time outside, especially in green or other natural settings, would be great. Since you mention getting out and around a lot, maybe you’re already doing that. Lots of time daily, as much as you can manage, seems like it would be wonderful. You’ve probably already thought of that, but just in case, for what it’s worth, here it is.

Even if you don’t have Caroline “figured out yet” (yet? Just wait til she’s a teenager, ha!), it seems you’re doing a great job of listening to your intuition. I think you should be encouraged!

One thing you might want to be a bit careful of is how much time she spends watching the kinds of DVD’s, etc., that switch quickly from one scene to another (like almost all of those made for children.) I believe they hinder the natural development of a child’s attention span and cause them to want a very high level of stimulation, and be bored if they don’t get it.

You sound like a great mommy!

A few random comments…

We do a pretty dark room and white noise. The child goes from sleep to 60 mph in 3.7 seconds. Once that little mind engages, all she wants is to get up and get at Mama and Daddy to start the day!

Katherine’s comment about not underestimating Caroline’s curiosity and need for a new challenge resonated with me. I know she needs new things to explore, try, etc. all the time. She is very curious. The problem is keeping up with it. And that she prefers to be curious with someone. But thank you for the suggestions of places to look. One of the downsides of having an only child is it is harder to justify spending large amounts of money on things knowing it will only be used by one child. If I knew we would use it with multiple children it would be easier to justify it in my mind. But we will just have to do what we have to do. I remind myself that we’ll either be spending money to send her to a Christian school or we’ll be spending money homeschooling her. Either way it is going to cost.

Re: finding others to play and exchange with… I have been trying, but it has been hard so far. There aren’t many families with little ones at church and most of them are in daycare during the day so that isn’t an option. But I will keep looking and pray that God will open some doors just as He did with finding good sitters.

There is nothing you can do about this, it is just her personality. It’s nothing to do with being an only or not. If she had a sibling, chances are they would probably bicker and you would still end up working pretty hard to keep everyone occupied happily!

Just get a sitter like you are doing to get things done. You may find that maybe next year she would like to be in a preschool.

Hang in there!